What do you say to someone when they have just had a family member die? There are so many ways to answer that question and so many things that you can say or not say. Life offers us such variety and such choices that individuals that one simple question like that can have a million answers. And once we come upon that time when we need to comment or offer strength or offer compassion, so many times, these individuals are simply without words.

Without words due to shock, surprise or perhaps without words due to sympathy or pain and suffering and loss in their own families.

So, what do you say? How do you act? What kind of help can you be to someone who really could use a little help at this time of need? Every case is individual and every single case is totally unique. Perhaps the best thing to say is to say nothing, immediately. Allow yourself to pause. Yes, allow a pause of silence. Perhaps silent communication is the best form of communication at some times in our lives.

All humans celebrate or mourn or memorialize their family or friends’ deaths in many different ways. Depending on your faith, your experience, your religion, nationality or even depending on where you live, your experience of mourning, of helping someone get it together on a long-term basis is certainly different than your next door neighbors.

Pausing never hurts anyone and it allows for moments of silence for meditation, quick prayers and it allows both persons to breathe more naturally.

After pausing, then what?

1. Sympathize with the person as best as you can.

2. Ask questions, gently, but ask them.

3. Do not tell anyone what to do. The last thing the person needs is orders or strong suggestions at this time.

4. Offer to have lunch or breakfast with them.

5. Offer some help. What is the best way that you can help?

These are just suggestions, so choose the suggestions that sound best to you and use them.

Linda Lin, the experienced, expert author on subjects such as rape, rape prevention, feelings, consumerism, and all the other topics that you thought should be kept silent. Join Linda Lin as she goes through life, pen in hand, commenting on almost anything that is right in front of you, or almost everything that is written in the very fine print of all the contracts that you ever signed. Linda Lin is not an attorney, but she is an author with great common sense, college along with continued education and a knack for knowing just what everyone is thinking about. Email her anytime and you might be surprised at her very to-the-point and honest replies.